🔗 Share this article

On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “highly unrealistic”, he admits. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these times of heightened ego are usually followed by a “crash”, a period when he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his conduct, leaving him highly sensitive to negative feedback from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently diagnosed by a professional. However, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had already reached that realization on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they feel feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they made for themselves. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding The Condition

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what the term implies the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he believes many people hide it, because of widespread prejudice linked to the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in The Disorder

While three-quarters of people diagnosed with the condition are males, studies points out this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that narcissism in women is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who shares content on her co-occurring conditions on online channels. It’s fairly common, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

I find it difficult with handling criticism and being turned down,” she says, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I often enter defence mode or I completely shut down.” Even with this reaction – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she says she and her partner “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, if I say something manipulative, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures during development. “I’ve been learning over the years which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I never had that growing up,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were criticizing me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of The Condition

Personality disorders tend to be associated with difficulties as a child. Genetics play a role,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and life achievements, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships ever worked out. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with mood stability. She is “really understanding of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a clinical psychologist for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for psychological counseling via government-funded care (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: “They said it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. The awareness assists me to gain insight into my behavior, which is positive,” he explains. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the disorder. But the presence of online advocates and the development of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number